The Onion 2 September 2000 . 

Mailbag

Here's where I respond to your engaging e-mail. If you feel like sending anything, address it to bit_rot@hotmail.com. Or, send snail mail to Scott A. V, wait.. on secound thought, maybe you'd better not send any snail mail.
I wonder if you plan on making this a weekly thing, or if it's just this
once. If you think you're going to make it weekly, my friend and I would
love to help by contributing bitterly sarcastic humor articles (such as
"Sega Forced Out Of Business By Swapoo", "Dave Changes Site Name Yet
Again", and "Area Man Needs ROM For That Penguin Game"). -joe

Yes, feel free to send in articles, since after writing this last issue, I've just about run out of sarcastic things to say.  Be aware that if your articles suck, I will post them anyways, but with viscous witty rejoiners making fun of you strewn throughout.  That having been said... Yes, please contribute!

This fellow decided to just go ahead and submit unsolicited.  His journalistic accuracy is astounding.

Zophar Has Manboobs

According to many accounts from EFnet's #emu, the well known emulation site
owner/manager, Zophar has manboobs. A source who wished to remain anonymous
commented "Zophar has manboobs bigger than any woman". c0njurer, owner and
maintainer of the popular emulation site Vintagegaming.com confirmed this
statement by adding "Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Zophar has bewbs!". He
lster commented "i blame lev for Zophar's manboobs". Zophar himself has
refused to comment, stating "I don't have to take any of this shit."
Zophar has since has posted a diary entry denying such claims. -Ian Easton

I tried to contact Ian and offer him the job of head writer, but have not received any response as of yet.

actually, we do know how big of asses we make of ourselves, we just are too retarded to do anything about it. -pachuka

I knew it.

Did I tell you yet that you totally rock?  And your shit is funny, unlike
that OverCocked crap. -Someone who probably should remain anonymous

No comment.

Keep it up, you have followers!!! -Neil

I was paranoid enough to begin with...

  And now, the letter of the month:

I download gtmr from www.mame.dk and two pieces of roms

are bad dumped. Where i can download good roms for this

very nice game?  -Fabrizio Stellato

How in the living hell did a mail about bad MAME ROMs end up in my mailbox?!  Obviously, English is not his native tongue, but still, this is going to far.  You'll notice this is the only mail where I put up the e-mail address.  If you have any questions about the budget, astronomy, or what movies are playing Friday, be sure to send them to Fabrizio.

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